Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Current Underlaying...

I've mentioned a few times on this blog that I've always had a tendancy towards the melancholic side of things... inspired by Dexter(sorry! You know I'm totally obsessed lately!), a "dark passenger" if you will (only mine doesn't make me kill people - it just makes me overanalytical and slightly woebegone). But like him, it has made me feel isolated, alone, as if I had this secret that the rest of the world didn't understand.  And like him,  I didn't know where this comes from, but I've recently discovered that it might just be genetic.

Before I get into full mode on this post I'd like to say this:  I know that some of the women I follow on Twitter are in the process of filling out adoption papers.  This post is about the other side of that, the side of the adoptee, and I just wanted that to be known up front in case it's too sensitive for some to be reading right now.  

I am adopted, you see, so those forms that you have to fill out at a doctor's office are quite a bit shorter for me - never able to fill in the blank spots where it says "family history". Until now.

In Ontario, until June of 2009, adoption records were closed.  Meaning I knew nothing.  Nothing at all - even though my Mom (though adopted, she's still my mom, 100%) knew a bit.  She kept me sheltered from what little she knew until recently, when I began to express a litte more interest.   Not that I didn't always know I was adopted, but I didn't know the particulars.   But last year, when the laws around adoption in Ontario changed, and I knew that I would actually be able to get somewhere without becoming Nancy Drew (was gonna put Deb Morgan here, to continue on the whole Dexter thing... too much?), I approached my Mom and she gave me the documents she did have.  She had the report from the Children's Aid about my birth parents and their families, and when I read it I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked at all the similarities.  It was like I was reading a document written about me.  Their hobbies, their tendancies, and what struck home the hardest was my birth mother's "tendancy towards the melancholic".

I had never even used the word melancholic to describe myself before.  I always used "depressed", "down", even "manic" at times, but never that particular word.  It's wierd, because after I read that sentance about my birth mother, I realized that melancholic really is the perfect word for me. It makes me feel not so... depressing! It sounds more romantic, more soft, less whiny. 

So, although I now know my birth mother's name, her birthtown, and how she met my birth father and conceived me, the one thing that I think about and am most grateful for knowing is that I am melancholic - just like my birth mother, and that is ok.  I'm not sure how much farther I will take my curiosity.  She lived in a small town about an hour and 1/2 away from where I live, and I've been playing with the thought of going there to see what I can find out - but again, that's a bit too Nancy Drew for me.

I may just settle with what I've got, which is much more than I had before when I was floating around not having the slightest clue as to why I was the way I was. 


  1. Family tendencies really are amazing...I recently met alot of my extended family (uncles, aunts, cousins) and found out that eating one thing at a time at dinner (vegetables, then meat, then bread) without mixing them up is genetic, because we ALL do it, and we are ALL militant about it. lol

  2. Thanks for this perspective. We are hoping to have an open adoption with our child's birth parents so that she/he will always have all the iformation they want.



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