One year closer......

So, it's my 29th birthday today, I'm one year closer to the year that I've kinda always put out as my "deadline".   Deadline for what you ask?  

Um....

STUFF!
...


lol. Okay no, seriously - I always thought I'd be married with kids & a career (or a career driven/millionaire hubby making it possible for me to become a professional SAHM)... but I'm pretty much NOT EVEN CLOSE to that reality.... nor am I close to my UTOPIA reality.

But I'm zen about it.  Really.   I'm "livin' in the moment".  And I actually mean that for once in my life. My latest bout of darkness has brought anew my optimism for the future.   And today, on the day that I'm exactly 365 days away from the deadline that I've been envisioning since the day I knew how, I'm cool.  I'm calm.  I'm collected.

I'm pretty happy, and I know where I need (and where I WANT) to be next year.  (for real, not where I thought I'd be in my 6,7,8 etc... year old mind)

So this morning I thought I'd share 5 of the  things I WANNA accomplish in my 29th year. (I tweeted and warned you all about the I WANNA'S coming up today!... )

Not exactly a resolution list, just kind of a guideline to help me in a few months when I'm floating aimlessly through my long -anticipated summer.

1. Get to the gym.   I was 80 lbs. thinner just 3 short years ago.  I know I can do it, and I think it will help HUGELY with my fibromyalgia, endo and pcos if I get back there. Here's a pic to help you (and me) visualize:

This was about 4 years ago actually - but still... thin(er).

And now?
.... searching.... searching..... searching....



Geez - it's super hard to find a current full body shot!  That'll show ya right there how much I need to do this!

Okay - here's one.... me trying to convince myself to get in the freezing cold Georgian Bay last summer.....

OMG I can't believe I'm even putting this picture online.  You wouldn't believe the verbal thrashing that D got for taking an unprepared shot of me from behind....

But I digress...

2. Music Music Music -  gotta get back on the singer/songwriter bandwagon.   If nothing else I have learned that me drifting away from my creativity is never ever a good thing. Want to get a recording done or at least mostly done this year.  A professional recording.  That I can sell on iTunes.  I don't care if it's far fetched. I'm doin' it.

3. GET PREGGO!  Ok, so I can't exactly control this one, but #'s 1& 2 may help keep me sane and fit and zen and all that good fertility stuff.

4.Go somewhere - this is kinda vague.   Ok - go somewhere outside Ontario.  D has never left Ontario, and I have a serious travel bug that has remained unfed for 10 years, and may just feed on my eyeballs if I don't satisfy it soon.






5. Become a better/ more involved family member.   I need to get over some shit.  It's about f'ing time.   If that means I have to be more mature than my mother/parents/elder  then so be it.


 
So that's it - hope you enjoyed....  I'm off to finish my quiet (read:early!!!) birthday morning of blogging, tweeting and catching up on my favorite people's lives.   Today, more than before, I cherish the new connections and friendships I'm making through this blog and my tweets.  I've always had a cloud over me on my birthday - no one seemed to care, or remember, or notice.  You all have given me the strength to realize that those people don't matter -  and the one's who do are with me all the time in my mind and heart.

Please comment - hearing from you makes me happy!

Today WILL be a G-DAMN good day. Dammit.

So, even though I was up at an ungodly hour this morning... I have decided.
Today IS going to be a GREAT day!
Despite the fact that I forgot about the run in that my laptop had with my un-lidded Subway 7-up and turned it on this morning ( but it turned on! YAY!) ....
Despite the fact that after I turned it on, and went to make tea (at the ungodly hour) I stepped with faith into the pitch dark kitchen, knowing that D vacuumed & cleaned up yesterday and... SPLASH! The sink overflowed and flooded the kitchen & dining room. 
Despite the fact that my 'c' button has fallen off my keyboard and I now have to type this blog with my desktop's keyboard balanced on top of my laptops sickly one... and I just searched desperately for the mouse pad on the desktop keyboard... for like 5 min... before * aha!* I have to lift it OFF the actual laptop first!
Despite the fact that when I shifted around to get comfy just now my laptop ( which can not survive even a moment without it's lifeline) came unplugged.  Thank god for Blogger Autosave.  
Despite the fact that I have to see my parents later... this is not really a bad thing, just, considering the circumstances right now in our family, it may prove to be rather depressing... but it's my Daddy's 62nd birthday so I gotta try and make him smile.  At least for a bit.  But more on that stuff another time.
Today will be a good day. A great one even. 
I was quite an insomniac last night and I realized a few things. Namely;
1. I have gained 60 lbs in 3.5 years!
2. I am completely out of shape wheras 4 years ago I could bike from Birchmount & Finch to the Beaches (for you non Torontontians... that's pretty damn far - hold on I'll check the mileage on Google Maps....10 miles... or 16.7 km... and I was still able to walk the next day (sitting was a different story. Oh, the bruising!)
3. I have now quit smoking cigs. This fact ALONE means a lot.  I was in a serious love affair with my DuMauriers.  But I left 'em in the dust.   So if I can do that, I can go back to looking, acting and feeling how I did 4 years ago.  EVEN WITH Fibromyalgia... right?
Right.
I've been carrying the financial assistance forms for the YMCA in my purse for over a week.  Need to go do it, but we're pretty tight at the moment so Wii Fit will have to do for now (for a couple weeks, 'till some of our outstanding cheques start comin' through the mail slot!!! DAMN DELIQUENTS!)

And, I went to Chapters and bought books on a fertility diet, so before I go for groceries I am gonna actually look through that book and make a list so that I'm not wandering aimlessly looking for pregnant women in the store so I can buy what they are eating.... 

So today will be a great day.  Even though when I read this blog to D just now (hoping for some kind of positive reaction)... well.... lets just not even go there. Smile, nod & DO MY THANG. (sorry... in the process of finding a new mantra)