I'm Tumbling

Just thought I'd better let y'all know...

I didn't drop off the face of the earth COMPLETELY after my bitch fest...

I'm finding Tumblr much easier to do on a consistent basis.

I'm not abandonning this blog, just saving it for the lengthier and more in depth stuff.

Come see me! 

I'm also always on Twitter.  You know this.  I'll say no more! :)

Happy New Year & All that jazz...

So I'm a bit late in wishing you all a Happy New Year - better late than never though, right?

I'm sorry I've been scarce.

I've been busy trying to change my life.

Most of you follow me on Twitter so you know that I've taken a plunge into the wonderful world of yoga, and have been going to a prenatal class at a studio on Tuesday nights, but also have been doing my own practice at home.

WHAT AN AMAZING DIFFERENCE SO FAR!
And it's only been 3 weeks.

The other major change I'm making is my diet.
Since beginning yoga again my body has been telling me to detox, but I have been having a really hard time meshing my more natural food desires with D's fast food fetish.  Last night we ate seperate meals, and I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. Still have to do some work on this aspect of things though.

What spiked this sudden return to the blogosphere was my appointment at a Fibromyalgia and Cannibology specialist yesterday.  First of all, he claims that my biggest issue is a sleep disorder, and not fibro.  Weird right?   So now my GP is setting up a sleep study for me (which I'm totally nervous for 'cuz I hate sleeping away from home)...

He gave me homework too - in the form of reading and writing.  If anyone is interested in reading his books, I can give you his website address, just leave me a comment below.  I don't want to publicly advertise his name on my blog.  The homework is really interesting so far, and actually is in part the reason for my return to blogging. Last night I spent an hour after yoga filling in the first few pages of a workbook he gave me called "The Magic Pen; Creative Writing for Self Discovery".  I have to admit, I'm hooked, not only to this doctor's unique and more holistic method, but also to his  energy and encouragement that I CAN change my life.

Last but not least, I have to lose weight.  He claims this will be the easiest part, if I don't cheat.  He claims I can lose 100 lbs. in one year.  The diet he's proposing is a bit extreme so I may alter it slightly.  He says I should eat 2 small meals a day, one at 10:30, one at 4:30/5pm.  And only veggies, chicken, fish and a TINY bit of carbs.  And that's IT.  No fruit for a year.  No snacking in between meals - PERIOD.  I think I'll have to have some healthy snacks set up for throughout the day - I can't fathom going without some munchies for a whole day!

The cannibology part of his practice is fascinating to me (for obvious reasons, if you #knowyourNaVe!) He says I will qualify no problem for a medical MJ card, so that will be in the works soon as well.  Not going to go into too much depth here, for obvious reasons, but basically I'll just say - this is the beginning of the rest of my life!

And you will be around to witness it! I swear, I couldn't do it without my constant venting system, AKA Twitter. KUDOS to all my lovely tweeties. You all are my support system and saving grace! Love you!


*in case you are wondering, the picture above is me, about 5 years ago (pre-fibromyalgia), doing camel pose.  Just a bit of inspiration for anyone thinking that fat girls can't do yoga - I was thinner then but as you can see, still far from a twig.  Yoga is great for anyone!*

Holiday Happy's

The last post I wrote was all about finding my happy. This is one of my favourite times of year and it's the perfect time for me to ... Well... BE HAPPY!
And I'm finding small pleasures to take joy in every day, even on the grump-infested snark overloaded ones.
Today I wrapped my parents Chanukah gift (which I'm happy to say I think that they will really enjoy this year!


And the finished product....



And now that I'm done I'm feeling even more wonderfully festive so here are some shots from around our apartment (this is a spontaneous iPhone camera shoot, so pardon the sort of crappy photography!)



It's snowing!! And a shot of some of our lights...



A view of our ficus christmukah tree



Bears in a tree! One is D and the other's me! (teehee that rhymes!)



For my Aussie & Southern US readers - do you know what kind of pine tree this is? We've had Nora for 6 years... She looks beautiful as ever with her twinkle lights & glitter balls!



The headless desert nutcracker & his be-header ... And a Christmas cactus, 2010's addition to our cactus garden.



Headless desert Nutcracker's head!



The stuffed animal& candy cane ficus christmukah tree....



And again...



Our stockings, the leopard print one was Sessie's, now it's waiting for a pic of the dogs and cat boys... She willed it to them.



More of the big christmukah ficus.



Our wreath & icicle lights & stained glass door to balcony...



Christmukah cat!

And... That's all folks!!

- Posted on location from my iPhone
(doesn't that sound like so official & stuff? Like I'm a reporter... On location... Hehehe)

(oh yeah... Leave a comment!! Kthx& HAPPY HOLIDAYS!)

Finding my Happy

Yesterday  I was 'msn'ing' with an old friend. She knows D very well, in fact I know her through him & she also is beginning to know me very well as she has decided to embark on the adventure that one undertakes when becoming my follower on twitter.  She thus has pretty good insight on what's happening in my life, because I'm an open book & she knows the other chapter of my story quite well ;)

She said, very wisely, that my tweets have begun to indicate a fair amount of despair & depression. And that despite the fact that I frequently vent about relationship drama between me & my love, the darkness is most likely coming from the void that I feel OUTSIDE of my relationship.

It's true.  I try to stay positive, hopeful, optimistic, & happy & all that jazz but there's a monster lurking too close to the surface for my comfort.  And try as he might, D can not do anything about it.  This fact alone brings out a not -so-nice aspect of our relationship... him trying, me rejecting him & him then being cold & aggressive because... well, basically I'm being a bitch too.

As a veteran of therapy, both group & individual, I can tell the signs of depression.  I see that I'm in trouble.  I see that I need help.  I see that lack of luster in myself, my reluctance to get out of bed in the mornings is getting stronger... but I just am kinda of the mind set that I want to try & use my self-taught skills (and call on some of the skills that I've learned in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy - if you're interested in hearing more about this please leave a comment & I will blog about it next!) in conjunction with my newly found twitter support system rather than running back to therapy, or worse still, medication.

What my wise friend suggested was that I make a list. A list of things OUTSIDE my relationship that make me jump for joy. Things that tickle my thoughts.  Things that stimulate my senses. 
I have been happy before, I do experience happiness still & thus, there must be circumstances, things, people, situations, etc. that still make me happy.

So here,  blogles & tweeties, are (some of) my happys!

(I'm gonna be random, start with small things and maybe things that people will find strange... but it's all part of the process! I need to once more learn to take joy in the little pleasures of life!)

~ my cats (duh)
~ Ani Difranco (duh - I said I was starting with the easy things!)
~ composing & recording music.   (need to find a good software for this! SUGGESTIONS? I've used sequel 2, cakewalk & fruityloops, but never understood what I was doing.. need something user friendly! read:dummy-fied) 
~ guitar (need to become more consistent with playing so I don't have to go through the pain of re-developing calluses every single time! what a turn off!) 
~ photography & digitally editing photos
~ reading with tea & kush at Roach-a-rama in Kensington Market (requires me to leave the house & take the transit to go downtown... not that likely at the moment... but still a happy)
~ yoga (need to find some bum-knee friendly yoga - suggestions anyone??)
~ swimming (need to find a public pool nearby for swimming 3x/ week)
~ shopping for fruits & veggies & spices & nuts (productive to my diet too!)
~ shopping in general (though this can get dangerous!)
~ cooking & baking
~ knitting
~ PAINTING (really MISS this one!)
~ mani/pedi
~ bath & wine time (not sure I can swing this in my current apartment... our bathtub SUCKS)
~ journalling/blogging :)

And I think that's all for now! That's actually a pretty good list, if I don't say so myself (which I do!) All of the things on there are things that I enjoyed doing pre-D and kinda stopped doing due to various factors in my current situation... none of which are written in stone, and all of which I can change.
So now, the task at hand is to DO SOMETHING and actually make this list go to good use.  That's the hardest part of it all, 'cuz if you've followed my blog at all, you'll know I"m great at making lists & plans & not so great at the actual execution of things. But here's another shot...

To my Wise friend (one in specific but also, to all my wise friends who are reading!)  please remember, we need to kick each others asses into gear, for who else is in a better position to push you to succeed in finding your happy but your friends?  <3

More bang for my buck!

I need a whole new wardrobe. One that actually fits so I don't have to feel like a stuffed sausage all winter this year.  I did that last year & ME. NO. LIKEY.
BUT I do not have money for a whole new wardrobe.
Or at least not one from a regular source, like Addition Elle, H&M or Voluptous or Old Navy. And I'm tired of having shapeless formless sweatpant type things from Walmart as my 'entire' wardrobe.
I want some decent stuff.
But even when I do come into some extra cash, I'm trying to be 'thrifty'.   We are, after all, trying to save for a trip this winter & hopefully some baby-making assistance in the near future.

So I thought & I thought...

And I donated a tupperware bin full of designer clothes that are too small to my local Value Village
and then... BING! An epiphany!

If I'M donating all this primo stuff that I barely wore (because I sadly outgrew it once I became a happy, cozy & comfortable house wife type:read, I now wear sweats 75%... 85%.... ok ok ... 95% of the time) then there MUST be OTHER women (who are perhaps at the OTHER end of the process that I am just now beginning, of losing weight & shedding the shlumps that sometimes come with a finally-forever-comfortable-relationship) who are also donating their stuff....

AND BEHOLD! THERE WERE!

*bonus to shopping at Value Village? Recycling clothes is good for the earth AND your wallet!*  So, I only spent $72.29 and this is what I got:

 H & M T-shirt dress to wear with leggings - pant style of choice for me to accommodate my tensor bandaged knee - was so unflattering 'cuz 'till now I only had one longer top to wear with them...

 Green fleecy high-necked sweatshirt...

me likey, for those comfy loungy days, so I don't have to look so shlumpy....

 Danskin sweats -  great sturdy material, for those same comfy/shlumpy days...

 Dark Rinse 'curvy cut' jeans, to make space for the bootay ;)

 I LOOOVE this wooly grey sweater - 

the lines are so perfect for my figure, accentuating my smallest part - my waist!

 Old Navy long sleeved waffle tee - can never have too many of these. 

And this one is in my fave colour! It matches the inner rim of my glasses!

 A Big Long comfy sweater - again, to go with my leggings & Uggs..

.Maybe a big braided leather belt...

 Another one... this one is actually a really great teal colour... the picture didn't really show it that well. I plan to wear this one  with a slinky long sleeved tee under (the cable knit part is kinda peek-a-boo, and it's got short sleeves), and with black leggings and my black slouchy boots or uggs.

And, of course my two helpers, Blue & Topper...

making sure that I make the right choices to keep the fashion police away! 

And for my next blog post? Look forward to pics of all the fur babies -

in their matching Halloween getups! :) 

But for now...  what do you think of my shopping spree at Value Village? 

NaVe goes back to the school of life!

So I didn't quite return to my blog with the gusto I had hoped for.

So sue me.

I led a fairly unblogworthy existance for the remainder of the summer. We went on one last camping trip to Pinery (and forgot our camera, but it should be arriving back soon thanks to U.P.S. and pictures will be posted!)

Now, it's fall... the crisp smell of leaves turning is back in the air, the mid-morning silence reminds me that all the kids are back in school, and it leaves me wanting a fresh start.

But this fresh start I desire is no where to be found. I have no fresh pile of books awaiting a semester of studying & highlighting. There's no supplies to be purchased for my bright & bubbling back-to-school-er either. I used to LOVE going back to school shopping, despite my uniform and ridiculous amount of ginormous textbooks to be purchased. And I still miss the annual "book sale" of my old high school, seeing everyone again, rushing around to find the least beat up copy of the texts you need, no uniforms left so there was always still that hint of summer in the air...) My old high school always had a really nice feel in the fall, many old and grand trees in the courtyards changing colours.... Fall and Christmas were my favourite times there. I can almost forget the bad parts about my high school years when I remember back to that 'fresh start' feeling.

But I digress.

This year there is no clear cut fresh start for me so instead I'm decidedly creating my own. Or, that was the plan before this unhappy knee adventure of mine (follow me on twitter if you wanna hear that daily whine/rant!).

So now I've got some time in couch city during which to plan this self-appointed fresh start.
I've been feeling really resentful, negative, bitter and jealous lately. I don't know exactly where it all started but it was really really starting to wear me down.

So this year, instead of going back to school I'm going back to basics and re-learning the lesson I used to live by.

Love + Laughter = Love.

Any thoughts?

the ABC's of ME

 
I'm having a slow start this morning.  

Stuff's fuzzy, foggy & slow,thus...

I'm borrowing a post idea from Liberal Granola Girl's Blog  

who got it from  Type A’s Nightmare.

Sharing IS caring. :D   

The ABCs of me:

A – Age: 29
B – Bed size: King
C – Chore you hate: cleaning the litter box (which D pretty much does every time now even though they are "my" cats.  I hold the bag sometimes while looking away and gagging.)
D – Dog/Pet’s name: You guys have met 4 already, Bronx, Atilla (dogs) Topper & Sess (cats).  Then there's the rest of the zoo who are yet to be introduced: Freddy, Frank, Shovelhead, Green eyed bandit, Spot, Food.  And 6 unnamed little creatures who we also love. More to come on them later, but if you want to read bout some of my animals check this out.
E – Essential start to your day item(s): really not proud to say this but... my green best friend. those who know me well know what I'm talking bout.  Those who don't... well, use your imagination, or read some of my older posts. You'll figure it out.
F – Favorite color: Used to be indigo blue, now I'm starting to lean more towards turquoise-y blues/ greens.  My glasses are turquoise on the inside.
And I <3 anything forest-y, as you can tell! :D
G – Gold or Silver: white gold or PLATINUM :D
H – Height: 5′ 2″ (and D is 6'2".  I often wonder if we look funny to other people)
I – Instruments you play(ed): piano, viola, cello, guitar, flute, recorder. but am not v.good.
J – Job title: Home Office Manager. Wifey. Pet Mama.
K – Kisses or hugs: why do I have to choose?
L – Living arrangements: renting :( stupid apartment.  We can't wait to live in Utopia.
M – Mood: restless. ready for a change. anxious for summer.
N – Nicknames: Nat, NaVe (Nah-vey.  It's what I use if I perform & online. obviously)Babe, Baby, Natalushka (thanks Mom) zabinka(again, Mom. It means little frog in Slovak. I dunno why she calls me this,sounds cuter out loud.)
O – Overnight hospital stays other than birth: a bunch.  I went nuts about 10 yrs ago and got sent to the looney bin a few times. I'm better now.  MOSTLY :P
P – Pet Peeves: Adults not cleaning up after themselves (I've had people stay on my couch a lot in the last few years. Mostly men, but even the women... like, you're staying here RENT FREE. Pick up your coffee cup and put it in the sink! Or, *GASP* wash it yourself!)  AND people who have lived in Canada for more that 5 years and still don't speak a word of English. And they run a store. In Toronto.
Q – Quote from a movie: I dunno if this is really my fave, but it's all I could think of...
"Hurumph! Hurumph! Hurumph! Hey! I didn't get a Hurumph outta that guy!
R – Right or left handed: Right
S – Siblings: none - that I know of.... but I'm adopted, so WHO KNOWS?
T – Time you wake up: It depends, but almost always before 8am.
U- Underwear: um, like, do I wear it?? most of the time.... :p
V – Vegetable you dislike: Radish, Beets.
W – Ways you run late: I always run late. I run late when there’s no way to run late. I will most certainly be late for my funeral. <—-ME TOO <-----------ME THREE!!!!
X – X-rays you've had: like, every part of my body.  I'm a huge clutz.
Y – Yummy food you make: Turkey with all the trimmings, stuffing from scratch! anything sweet/baked... cheese& spinach omelets, pad thai.
Z – Zoo favorite: marmosets!  I could spend HOURS at their cage! And at the Toronto Zoo they are in an actually cage, not behind plexi, so they come right up to you and you can touch their toes through the wire!  Not that you're supposed to or anything... geee, I hope the zoo police don't come to my door now....

Your turn =)

Wordless Wednesday - First sign of Spring!

Thanks to my sister-in-law @sarahnryan for this pic!

Follow her on Twitter!  She's FABULOUS!

<3

Oh, Happy Day!

 Yesterday was a terrific day - despite the cold and clouds that drifted back in Toronto after a few days of glorious sunny spring (summer!) weather.

D and I used to frequent the beaches of Toronto quite regularly, more in the winter actually, to walk the dogs.  We would go more in the winter because of our dogs inability to get along well with other dogs, as you may or may not have read in my fur-baby posting.

Thus, the cooler weather yesterday was perfect.
We had the whole beach to ourselves...or so we thought!
As we walked down the beach on a side that we haven't actually ever walked on before, we came upon this interesting structure:

We walked to the end of the beach and discussed what it could be.  In the end, our curiosity got the best of us.  We had to go and find out what was going on over there!
Was it an extremely impressive beaver dam?  A beaver dam with seating?
So we meandered over.....
And met the friendly beach dude!

 

I'm going to keep the details about the friendly beach dude pretty sketchy, he requested specifically that I maintain his anonymity and keep his location under wraps. I was so impressed by his positive attitude, his eco-friendly lifestyle and his down-to-earth sensibilities so I asked him if he minded if I took some pictures of his creation for my blog.  He said, with a smile, that his door is always open to friendly strangers.  

We could all learn a lot from the friendly beach dude.

 

Friendly Beach Dude's Welcome Sign

Friendly Beach Dude's Welcome Mascot

The Nice Chilling Spot - aka Beach Hut

*you can't tell, but the bottom left corner of the hut was rebuilt because a few years back  the local coastguard/fire dept. boat came by and had to put out a fire that was started by  a couple who were found in a compromising situation in the nice chilling spot! 

  Being sprayed by 450psi musta been a rude awakening to say the least!!!*

We stood and talked with the FBD for about an hour.  He was so intriguing! He built the beach hut from wood that had fallen down the cliffs from the top of the hills that you can see behind the hut.  There are huge piles of debris all over the beach showing evidence that the cliffs are really tumbling down.  

 

Here's an example of a pile of trees that started at the top of the hill..... 

See the trees at the top that are awaiting the same fate??

After talking for a while (and essentially losing most of the sensation in my legs 'cuz the wind got BITTERLY cold) we started the walk back.  Here's some pictures that I really liked from the day...

 Friendly Beach Dude told us that he frequently sees Coyote's quite often.... 

These prints were HUGE compared to Bronx's!

LOVE the bits of red that show up every so often.

And, just as we were leaving, and I thought the day couldn't have POSSIBLY been any more perfect, we ran into another lovely creature while walking back to the car...

Can you spot him?

I couldn't believe how close he let me get!

And that was the happy day - we had such a good time, re-connecting and being outside... I just can't wait for summer and our next trip into the wilderness!