The last post I wrote was all about finding my happy. This is one of my favourite times of year and it's the perfect time for me to ... Well... BE HAPPY!
And I'm finding small pleasures to take joy in every day, even on the grump-infested snark overloaded ones.
Today I wrapped my parents Chanukah gift (which I'm happy to say I think that they will really enjoy this year!
And the finished product....
And now that I'm done I'm feeling even more wonderfully festive so here are some shots from around our apartment (this is a spontaneous iPhone camera shoot, so pardon the sort of crappy photography!)
It's snowing!! And a shot of some of our lights...
A view of our ficus christmukah tree
Bears in a tree! One is D and the other's me! (teehee that rhymes!)
For my Aussie & Southern US readers - do you know what kind of pine tree this is? We've had Nora for 6 years... She looks beautiful as ever with her twinkle lights & glitter balls!
The headless desert nutcracker & his be-header ... And a Christmas cactus, 2010's addition to our cactus garden.
Headless desert Nutcracker's head!
The stuffed animal& candy cane ficus christmukah tree....
And again...
Our stockings, the leopard print one was Sessie's, now it's waiting for a pic of the dogs and cat boys... She willed it to them.
More of the big christmukah ficus.
Our wreath & icicle lights & stained glass door to balcony...
Christmukah cat!
And... That's all folks!!
- Posted on location from my iPhone
(doesn't that sound like so official & stuff? Like I'm a reporter... On location... Hehehe)
(oh yeah... Leave a comment!! Kthx& HAPPY HOLIDAYS!)
In the depths of sadness they remind me of the beauty in the simplicity of life.
Even if just for a few moments they prove that peace on earth is possible, even if only for a split second. Even if only in my heart. (and the hearts of others like me)
I've been wanting to start some kind of weekly ritual on my blog as I feel I have kind of lost momentum in the last little while. I love #Tattoo Tuesdays, but, alas, I am chicken girl, I have no ink so I can't participate in that one (yet! I've always said I'll get a tattoo of my child(ren)'s names 'cuz I those are sure to stay the same forever!)
Last Sunday, Mother's Day, as I was busying myself preparing my Mom's and Bubby's gifts, some blossoms fell off of one of the hanging baskets I bought. They were so beautiful I had to immortalize them and thus....
is born!
I'll upload pictures that I have either photographed myself, or photos from famous photographers that I love. Feel free to join in and I hope you enjoy!
and sorry if you follow me on facebook and have already seen these.
I love them. I'm proud of them. I will show them off.
I'm not sure who thought of #twitterhometour, but I heard about it through @karmapearl - and a big thanks goes out to her! I think this is such a fantastic idea!
What better way to really get to know one another than to invite each other into our homes?
The interior decorator part of me wanted to have a picture perfect #twitterhometour, but then I realized, this isn't my portfolio, it's my life.
And my life right now is situated in a 2 bedroom apartment in Toronto.
But the commune is coming - I can almost smell it in the summer(ish) air! We spend a lot of time looking at listings for vacant land out in the country nowadays.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy the video - Originally D recorded one, in great detail, of our living room, and all it's inhabitants, but YouTube was being extraordinarily stubborn so I couldn't upload it (it was too long I think, plus, our new camera has really high resolution therefore, large file size)
D and I had a really interesting conversation to do with our life tonight. I'm not going to get into the details in this post (need to gather thoughts and have a early morning blog session for that one!) but....after D and I finshed talking this we started discussing how we'd like to formulate the "laws" of Utopia. We both wrote this post together (WHOA! we did something together! for my BLOG! big stuff people!)
Ok here goes....
1. Everyone eats together. Like at camp. One big happy family, each taking turns cooking for everyone else.
2 Minimal dish philosophy. This means everyone has a bowl and plate (made by themselves? during a commune pottery class? Or just get THAT guy to make yours... I'll bet he makes A LOT of bowls!), a fork, knife and spoon, a cup (etc...etc...) and everyone washes their dish&utensils in a fun fountain (like, remember those fountain sinks that there used to be in elementary school? The ones with the foot pedal? I friggin loved those things) with everyone else after eating :D Doing dishes ain't so bad if it's fun, and you only have to wash one dish!
3. Zero-footprint law. This means - well... you all probably know what it means... but for those "non-camping"types, it basically means you aren't to harm, alter or destroy any part of the land/forest/swamp/ WHATEVER you happen to inhabit. That means if you put it there, you take it away when you leave, and leave no evidence of it ever being there. Or even better - leave it there, but make it organic so that it can one day be one with it's environment.
4.NO NEGATIVE NELLIES! And D INVENTED THIS ONE!!! HOLY SHIT. Was that a pig? I'm on the 17th floor and I seriously think a pig just flew by.
But seriously. You all know my mantra - positive thinking = positive living.
Anyone that's not down with that? OUTSKI!
5.Nothing living is to be harmed. Ok within reason. Like, you can still eat veggies and fruit and all. And we can eat meat and all that good stuf..... but like... don't go tramping around on ant hills for fun, or tearing through Charlotte's Web just for a laugh.
6. Eco-friendly living. This one is kind of obvious, but we will utilize only renewable sources of energy. Solar, Wind, Hydro(the good kind, with the things that take energy from waves) etc etc.
7. Limited impact on the surface. Whoa... Dinny's getting really excited talking about this one.... We can tap into geo-thermal energy easier this way, and uber cool in the summer, nice & cozy in the winter... We'd be good to go if there were a nuclear meltdown, or something... And it's just all round cool. And we'll have Free Spirit tree-spheres up on the surface so if we want to go above ground for the night, or if a guest shows up and you don't want them to know where exactly the house is (aka secret laboratory *whispers D*) there's an awesome little pod waiting.
OK I'm babbling.
8. no CIGARETTE smoking and no ALCOHOLIC drinking. As in, if the majority sees a problem with your drinking, there WILL be an intervention. And if that doesn't work... OUTSKI!
Oh. we are ganja friendly, but again, if you're a total stoner pot head douchebag mooching off everyone else.... OUTSKI!
9. NO CABLE TV . We shall still have fast internet. D and I have been getting by just FINE this way, and limited exposure to the commercial BULLSHIT is excellent. And I LOVE watching stuff with no commercial breaks. YAY.
10. Absolutely NO vehicles that emit emissions.
If that means you gotta ride a f'ing horse, then do it! Oh. Good luck pooper scooping that sucker.
And thaaaaaat's all folks! Well, for now anyways because it's 10pm and we are going to watch a summer camp inspired movie. Not sure which one yet, but if you know a good one we're always open for suggestions! (movie suggestions OR Utopia suggestions)
So, it's my 29th birthday today, I'm one year closer to the year that I've kinda always put out as my "deadline". Deadline for what you ask?
Um....
STUFF!
...
lol. Okay no, seriously - I always thought I'd be married with kids & a career (or a career driven/millionaire hubby making it possible for me to become a professional SAHM)... but I'm pretty much NOT EVEN CLOSE to that reality.... nor am I close to my UTOPIA reality.
But I'm zen about it. Really. I'm "livin' in the moment". And I actually mean that for once in my life. My latest bout of darkness has brought anew my optimism for the future. And today, on the day that I'm exactly 365 days away from the deadline that I've been envisioning since the day I knew how, I'm cool. I'm calm. I'm collected.
I'm pretty happy, and I know where I need (and where I WANT) to be next year. (for real, not where I thought I'd be in my 6,7,8 etc... year old mind)
So this morning I thought I'd share 5 of the things I WANNA accomplish in my 29th year. (I tweeted and warned you all about the I WANNA'S coming up today!... )
Not exactly a resolution list, just kind of a guideline to help me in a few months when I'm floating aimlessly through my long -anticipated summer.
1. Get to the gym. I was 80 lbs. thinner just 3 short years ago. I know I can do it, and I think it will help HUGELY with my fibromyalgia, endo and pcos if I get back there. Here's a pic to help you (and me) visualize:
This was about 4 years ago actually - but still... thin(er).
And now?
.... searching.... searching..... searching....
Geez - it's super hard to find a current full body shot! That'll show ya right there how much I need to do this!
Okay - here's one.... me trying to convince myself to get in the freezing cold Georgian Bay last summer.....
OMG I can't believe I'm even putting this picture online. You wouldn't believe the verbal thrashing that D got for taking an unprepared shot of me from behind....
But I digress...
2. Music Music Music - gotta get back on the singer/songwriter bandwagon. If nothing else I have learned that me drifting away from my creativity is never ever a good thing. Want to get a recording done or at least mostly done this year. A professional recording. That I can sell on iTunes. I don't care if it's far fetched. I'm doin' it.
3. GET PREGGO! Ok, so I can't exactly control this one, but #'s 1& 2 may help keep me sane and fit and zen and all that good fertility stuff.
4.Go somewhere - this is kinda vague. Ok - go somewhere outside Ontario. D has never left Ontario, and I have a serious travel bug that has remained unfed for 10 years, and may just feed on my eyeballs if I don't satisfy it soon.
5. Become a better/ more involved family member. I need to get over some shit. It's about f'ing time. If that means I have to be more mature than my mother/parents/elder then so be it.
So that's it - hope you enjoyed.... I'm off to finish my quiet (read:early!!!) birthday morning of blogging, tweeting and catching up on my favorite people's lives. Today, more than before, I cherish the new connections and friendships I'm making through this blog and my tweets. I've always had a cloud over me on my birthday - no one seemed to care, or remember, or notice. You all have given me the strength to realize that those people don't matter - and the one's who do are with me all the time in my mind and heart.
Well, I've got writer's block again. I thought to myself - what do my Tweeps & blogles wanna read? I'm really not sure! I thought the Ani stuff would be big... but alas, only 4 comments on those two posts combined so far...
Then I thought... I'll do a zoo post! But ya'll already know what pets I have.
And it just doesn't seem that interesting right now. Plus, I'd have to dig out pictures. And it's only fair to show ya'll some of the crazy animals we've had in the past as well - so that'll be a post for another day on which I am a bit more inspired.
So, instead, here I am, babbling away, blogging about writer's block.
What are your techniques for battling the dreaded "empty head" syndrome?
Do you get down-in-the-dumps like I do when you can't think of a good blog posting?
(my train of thought when this happens... "I must be useless. I must be boring! Why am I even bothering? I should go back to bed.)
But THEN.... THEN my dear tweets & blogles.... I remember all of you. And I realize... I can't be THAT boring... there are people following me! And reading my randomness! So I pull myself out of my self-pitying duvet-encased cave and write.
And today, I am writing about nothing.
Nothing, nothing nothing.
Sorry to disappoint you, my tweets &blogles. Even the insanely-sane NaVe has brain farts.
And, occasionally, like this morning, an empty head.
I typically have a hard time on V-Day - always have. When I was in high school I never got a "Valentine-o-gram" like everyone else (the boys and girls schools would have booths set up the week leading up to v-day and you could buy these little packages for guys at your brother school and vice versa).
My boyfriends have always seemed to be really nonchalant about Valentine's Day as well - I don't know how a romantic sap like me keeps winding up with men who don't have a romantic bone in their bodies.
But this year I have made up my mind. I will have a good Valentine's Day. And, as my post from yesterday reminded me, I looked to Ani to refresh my romantic feelings and lovey-dovey ness towards D.
There are a bunch of Ani songs that I identify with this relationship of mine. Some when I'm in an angry mood, some if I'm sad, and a lot when I'm happy too. This one in particular rings really true to me. It's the ringtone on my cell when D calls. It's the song I listen to when I have qualms/fears/doubts about why I'm still here.
Here are the lyrics:
"Overlap"
I search your profile
for a translation
I study the conversation
like a map
'cause I know there is strength
in the differences between us
and I know there is comfort
where we overlap
come here
stand in front of the light
stand still
so I can see your sillouette
I hope
you have got all night
'cause I'm not done looking,
no, I'm not done looking yet
each one of us
wants a piece of the action
you can hear it in what we say
you can see it in what we do
we negotiate with chaos
for some sense of satisfaction
if you won't give it to me
at least give me a better view
come here
stand in front of the light
stand still
so I can see your sillouette
I hope
you have got all night
'cause I'm not done looking
no,
I'm not done looking yet
I build each one of my songs
out of glass
so you can see me inside of them
I suppose
or you could just leave the image of me
in the backround, I guess
and watch your own reflection superimposed
I build each one of my days out of hope
and I give that hope your name
and I don't know you that well
but it don't take much to tell
either you don't have the balls
or you don't feel the same
come here
stand in front of the light
stand still
so I can see your sillouette
I hope
you have got all night
'cause I'm not done looking
no, I'm not done looking yet
I seach your profile for a translation
I study the conversation like a map
'cause I know there is strength
in the differences between us
and I know there is comfort
where we overlap
Here's a video with a recorded version of the song...
Here's an amazing video - same song but live. She's better live than on CD I think. I always feel so connected to her when I'm in her audience. Sorry for the repetition, but she's so amazing live, and I love the casual way this video begins.
I hope you enjoyed, and I wish you all a very very Happy Valentine's Day!
For my single readers - one thing I like about Valentine's Day is that you can have more than one Valentine when you're single! Valentine it up today! Make your BFF your Valentine. Or find one of those "lock&key" Valentine parties at a club & live it up! :D
One of the ways that I am combating some of the feelings that I have about my uncle's condition and that whole complicated situation is by writing a blog that was inspired by his imagination and coping skills.
One of the things that happened just before I stopped going to the hospital on a very regular (few times a week) basis was that my uncle started telling these stories. Hilarious stories that he was making up involving these two teddy bears that someone brought him. He would use the teddy bears to express his own fears/pains/concerns when it started getting harder for him to voice his problems. One example: he had lost the ability to get up and go to the bathroom and had been put in adult diapers so he decided that he's find the humor in the situation and made up a story that his bear was feeling left out because he was the only one in the ward not wearing a diaper. He asked my mom to get a little towel for him and he actually fastened the towel to the bear as if it were a diaper. To make the bear feel like it fit in. At first I thought it was strange - a grown man, my uncle, playing with stuffed animals? But the more I listened to the stories the more I understood.
It was a coping mechanism for him - and a good one at that. The stories brought (and still occasionaly bring) laughter to our family when really there is nothing to laugh at.
So I started writing them down. Not formally, just little notes here and there so that I would remember them long after he's gone.
When I started this blog I thought to myself, my uncle really wanted these stories to provide comfort to other families, especially families with children undergoing treatment for cancer. What better way at reaching out to the masses than a blog?
He is very adamant on creating good out of bad situations. And also on the importance of having fun every day. These stories have become his form of fun - thinking up new adventures for the teddy bears. Now I'm making them my weekly fun - doing something nice to commemorate my uncle and at the same time brushing up on something I love - writing, and in particular fictional stories for children.
I've been keeping the two blogs separate for pretty obvious reasons. Some of the things I talk about on So Crazy I'm Sane are just not.. umm... family friendly. My parents are reading the stories about the bears, and they are sharing the blog site with many of their friends. I didn't want the two connected - I didn't want their friends finding my blog - or even worse, having my parents find my blog. But after much testing and studying of the intricacies of the blogger search engine and privacy settings I have decided to let Juri and the Bears out of their closet. And if by doing this I am inadvertantly letting my alter ego, NaVe (read:the REAL me) out of the closet, then so be it. Que sera, sera.
I invite you all to read along, comment if you would like, but PLEASE keep in mind that I'm leading a slightly twisted, convoluted double life and would be DEVASTATED if my two worlds came hurling together... so if you comment please help me maintain my anonymity.
There will be a new adventure once a week, I usually try to post on the weekend, so if you have a few extra minutes - there's only 3 chapters up so far so not too much to catch up on ;)
Hope you all enjoy :) Pass the word along if you know ANYONE who you think may find comfort in a bit humor in a tragic situation. Click here to visit Juri and the Bears
I was thinking...
It would be great if I could bring Topper with me to visit my uncle.
He'd provide a buffer, and everyone would love him off.
BUT
he's a cat.
And cat's don't really enjoy being put on a leash and paraded in front of people.
The few times I have taken him outside, the only reason he tolerated (mildly!) it all was because his buddies Bronx and Atilla were there, and they were attached to us by a thick string as well. Wasn't so demeaning that way. (you can watch that video in my YouTube widget above by the way!)
But to take him to the hospital and display him like that? He would not have that. No way.
Only a creature who lives soley to please it's human would do that.
A.K.A. - a dog.
Topper would make the coolest looking dog.
White with blond streaks and blue eyes.
Now if only I could figure out how to do it in real life and not just on photoshop.
Thought I'd share what I've been keeping busy with all evening...
and during most of my couching marathon day today...
I just discovered Photobucket's amazing editing abilities and have been messing around with some of my older and more favourite photo's.
Here's an example. I took this pic on our way home from a camping trip in 2007. Typical rural Ontario scenery. I love it.
What do ya think?
Am considering having one printed out & framed...
It started out...
Then it became...
And the final product...
And here are some other's that are just kinda fun...
Do you have any photo's you would like to see edited?
I'll mess around with 'em for ya!
Which one of the above is your favourite?
Drop me a comment!
Here are my top 16 reasons for starting a blog this year.
1. I have loved journalling my whole life, but don't make enough time for it. Blogging is more convenient, plus I feel a responsibility to my readers to post often. And it's more eco-friendly.
2. I need a place to vent where no body knows my name. All too often I have vented to the wrong person, only to have it come back and bite me in the ass.
3. I love writing and have gotten really rusty at being able to put sentences together that aren't full of slang/ errors. Practice makes perfect.
4.The Global Village effect. I think it's amazing at how small the world is when you're a blogger. I love how I feel "close" to women (and men) around the world because of blogging and twitter.
5. I really need an outlet for my emotional stuff. This is different than venting, its not coming from an angry place.
6. DH is not great at conversing about above mentioned emotional stuff, so I need another support system sometimes.
7. It fills my bored moments (read:insomnia) with something more productive than staring at other people's lives on facebook.
8. I think it will make me more self aware.
9. Reading other peoples blogs is helping me to become more aware (in general) and also less judgmental.
10. I like the feeling that I may be helping someone out there with my words. Even if I'm just letting them know that they are not alone.
11. I like having something that is all mine. DH and I share everything, and spend a LOT of time together. I sometimes feel like I'm not my own person anymore because of that. My blog is helping to counteract that.
12. Three words. Shameless Self Promotion. I wish I could be a rockstar (well, a hippie, indie rockstar). Maybe I'll make it through twitter & blogger.
13. It makes me less lonely.
14. I can obsess endlessly over the aesthetic appeal of my blog and no one has to know about it (oops. I just told you all. this one is now kinda redundant)...
15. I like sharing my randomness with the world. Somehow when it's all writeen out, it doesn't seem like such randomness.
16. I can post whatever I like. Even a top 16 list (and no one can tell me it's dumb to have an arbitrary # like 16 as a top "something" list)
So there they are, just a few reasons why I am a blogger now.
What about you? Would love to hear some of your reasons....
Remember - sharing is caring :)
