Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Light shining through!

So....the (not so) infamous "so crazy that she's sane" NaVe left the vicinity of my physical persona on Sunday.

She departed suddenly and without {?} provocation, leaving a shell, an empty hollow vessel of skin, a lump sitting on the couch being angry.

I could discuss the things that led up to her departure, but I feel that would be counterproductive, so instead I'll just tell you how it felt {feels}.  And how I got her back.

You have undoubtedly read my poetry entries (of course you have! No one misses a post - right?) and thus are acutely aware of the fact that my creativity is heightened during these happiness droughts in my life.  I'm  not sure why it is - I guess being melancholy is a catalyst to my creative juices.  It's almost like I can't speak "normally" during these times.  I become totally introverted in person, and my tongue doesn't work to say anything that isn't poetic.  I don't want to  speak, I only want write during these times - hence my twitter absence and {sporadic} poetic  posts.

It's as if my mind exists, for a time, only to create - not to live, eat, shit, drink, sleep, laugh, cry - or any of the things I "normally" do.

I also get really really angry when someone tries to pull me out of my darkness before I'm ready.   So, naturally, D got the short end of the stick quite a few times over the last few days.  He doesn't understand my inability to shed the dark at my whim.  And that makes me livid.  And when I'm livid I start doing things that I don't mean to do - like call my parents and tell them that I'm leaving him (which is a HUGE no no, 'cuz they remember EVERYTHING and hold grudges against anyone who makes me cry - even if the person is not really the one making me cry, but instead it's my own frustration seeping out).  Or delete my twitter account, blogpress and any other social networking media from my cell phone to "prove a point" (not sure what point I was trying to prove there, I just made myself more mad)

And it got even uglier.  But I digress. 

So - how did I get her back?  How am I making the return to my normal, slightly quirky, but pretty optimistic self?

Well, I wrote.  I wrote and wrote and wrote.  I haven't written this much in years - and it felt GREAT!  And I have my twitter ladies (and a few gents) and blog readers to thank for that.

In the last few years I have recoiled from my creativity - falling victim to the constant down-pressing of certain people telling me my aspirations are "hoop dreams".   Now, after getting positive feedback and lovin' from my twitterverse and blogisphere - I'm back.  And with a vengeance!

So, my mission is to sort through some of the jumbled mess of words, find the gems, hopefully write some new music, and put these angry/frustrated/insightful few days of lyricism to good creative use.

Be on the look out - more poetry to come!  The songs will most likely take a while longer, but I'm working on a few beauts ;)


I am so pleased that this bout of darkness only lasted 4 days.

And it's LARGELY because of all of YOU!!!

ps.  Dontcha just love that pic?  I took that in 2008 on our yearly migration to the Bruce Peninsula, Ontario for a Pow Wow at the Cape Croker Indian Park.   We have a blast - every year!  Well - last year was quite buggy - but that's a whole other post! :P

1 comment:

  1. it is a beautiful pic! and I am very glad to have beautiful you back! I am glad that you did so much writing during those dark 4 days though, it really is such a cathartic way to cleanse the soul



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