It's not something new, it's a demon I've been living with for pretty much my whole life. It appears, it disappears, it appears, it disappears - it's starting to seem like my own misery gets sick of me and goes for a vacation from time to time.
This time, this crisis of mood is coming at inopportune timing. Generally when this feeling creeps in and starts to take over my (attempt at a) zen-ish brain I immediately start doing stuff.
Stuff to distract me from the growing unease, the unexplained anger, the darkness.
New stuff - signing up for classes at the local college, joining a new gym or class at the old gym, trying to meet new musical com-padres to collaborate with on my vocal ventures and experiments...
This time I'm having issues doing those things. Any of them - all of them. None of them are getting me anywhere because I am simply too achy or down in the dumps and thus lacking the motivation required for diving into something new.
And thus I'm here, talking to you, my tweeps and blogles, whining in a most unbecoming way, which is starting to seem like an (unattractive) habit.
In a blatant attempt to try and make my misery (anger?) seem more interesting, something that someone would want to read about, and also to try to identify with someone other than a past version of myself, I am once again reaching out to Ani for inspiration, comfort and a l'il bit of good ol' venting.
And there, in an angry outburst of carefully planned melodies and words, is how I feel.
Pretty much to a 't'.
So now, the question that I'm mulling on, and now throwing out into the universe...
How do I switch it off? If I'm too physically stuck(sick?) to be able to vacate the area (and generally by vacating I am thus shoving my negative feelings and emotional baggage under the carpet in my living room)...what am I to do?
Has anyone else been in this kind of predicament?
Insight will be greatly appreciated, and good insight will be revered.