Thursday, May 13, 2010
As you know I've been stuck in bed for days.
Yesterday I ventured out only to realize that walking around in the state that I'm in, even if just down the elevator to the car, is a BAAAAD idea, so today I'm back to couch city. But today I don't have my faithful man servant by my side (*sob*) and thus I have been fending for my self this morning.
What a miserable state of affairs. I hobble. I moan. I whine.
I'm actually really glad to be home alone 'cuz I'm so embarassed about my baby-ish behaviour.
But seriously? Hand foot mouth disease BITES THE BIG ONE.
It's painful. It's itchy. It's hot. It's cold.
I sound like a man.
And the whole time I just keep thinking....
DAMN I wish I still had a best friend.
Some of you know that I have recently shed a toxic friendship with a woman I was close with for a few years. This is not the relationship I am missing. I am actually rather relieved to be rid of the drama. But seeing as how I don't feel like I can ask my mom to come over and help (she has Multiple Sclerosis and really and truly shouldn't be exposed to my feverish self for her own health's sake) I am really missing the assistance of a female. A girlfriend. D can be wonderful, but sometimes a girlfriend is just needed.
And there is a girlfriend who wants to help. A girlfriend who could help. A girlfriend who has helped me before.
Here's the problem. D hates her. See, he has known her a lot longer than I have. And has known her through different phases in her life. Phases she isn't proud of. Phases I'm glad I wasn't around for. She's still kind of a party girl, but that's part of what I love so much about her. She's fun. But she's more serious now than the girl that D remembers. She's a mom now. And though, I'll admit, she's still not the most responsible person I know, she's definitely a far cry from what D claims her to be.
We used to be really close, before D and I moved in together. I'm not proud to admit it, but I let my relationship with D come before my friendship with her. In the last several months I have been trying to rectify that fact, and she is more than happy to have our friendship back - at least a little bit. And I feel lucky that she's not holding a grudge. But then again, I'm not sure if I"m being naive in thinking that she's just happy to be in contact again 'cuz she likes me - D seems to think it's because she wants to use me.
We were supposed to see each other for the first time in almost 2 years this past Tuesday, but as I got sick I had to cancel. She was totally understanding and since then has been texting me every day to ask if I need anything, or even just want company. I told her I was contagious and didn't want her or her daughter to catch it from me - she said she'd wear a mask or just stay a short time to bring me stuff. Doesn't sound like someone who wants to use me - but I don't know who to trust. If you've read my tweets over the last few days you'll know that I really could use someone's help right now. D is so busy with work, and so am I, that I haven't fully been able to rest and try to recover from the HFMD.
So I'm left with this dilemma. My initial thoughts were that I would become friends with her, but as D didn't feel comfortable with her in our home, I would limit our friendship to coffee and outings away from my apartment. But now that I've been sick, and she's being so kind, I'm so tempted to ask her to come over. But I don't want D to be upset about the whole scenario. And I don't want to use her.
Has anyone been faced with something like this before?
I'm so torn. I can't decide if I shed the friendship under false pretenses or whether I was correct in listening to D's words of advice.
And now I'm left wondering - am I revisiting this friendship because I'm lonely and want a girlfriend to hang out with? Or do I really miss the girlfriend in question? And is she worth stirring up a conflict within my relationship with D?
I really know how to keep things complicated! Never a dull moment over here in the nutshell...