Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Saddest Wordless Wednesday of my life.

I miss her so much. 
I don't know how I will cope.  
She was my best friend & constant companion.  
She was there for me through times when everyone else walked away from me. 
She stayed by my side all the time as I worked.
She greeted me every time I came home, or in the morning when I woke up.
I don't have many human friends in real life, this feels like I lost my best friend.
I can't believe how much this hurts. 

 I will always hold you in my heart. 
You were the best cat I ever could've asked for, and you're the reason I like cats 
(used to be a dog only gal, then I got Sess and she melted my heart...
and helped me get rid of my allergy to cats!)

I love you my Sessie girl.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I'm featured!

I'm so flattered. 
I have never been featured on a blog before!
Many thanks to @nutritionist_kt! 

She featured my recipe for the green smoothie that
I have been enjoying every morning this week.
Here's the link if you want to try it out!

She has a ton of great tips and info on her site! 
Take a look around while you're there. 

Friday, May 14, 2010

Flower Power Friday

Flowers always make me feel better.

In the depths of sadness they remind me of the beauty in the simplicity of life.

Even if just for a few moments they prove that peace on earth is possible, even if only for a split second.  Even if only in my heart. (and the hearts of others like me)

I've been wanting to start some kind of weekly ritual on my blog as I feel I have kind of lost momentum in the last little while.  I love #Tattoo Tuesdays, but, alas, I am chicken girl, I have no ink so I can't participate in that one (yet! I've always said I'll get a tattoo of my child(ren)'s names 'cuz I those are sure to stay the same forever!)

Last Sunday, Mother's Day, as I was busying myself preparing my Mom's and Bubby's gifts, some blossoms fell off of one of the hanging baskets I bought.  They were so beautiful I had to immortalize them and thus....

is born! 

I'll upload pictures that I have either photographed myself, or photos from famous photographers that I love.  Feel free to join in and I hope you enjoy!

and sorry if you follow me on facebook and have already seen these.  
I love them. I'm proud of them.  I will show them off.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


As you know I've been stuck in bed for days.
Yesterday I ventured out only to realize that walking around in the state that I'm in, even if just down the elevator to the car, is a BAAAAD idea, so today I'm back to couch city.  But today I don't have my faithful man servant by my side (*sob*) and thus I have been fending for my self this morning.  

What a miserable state of affairs.  I hobble.  I moan.  I whine.

I'm actually really glad to be home alone 'cuz I'm so embarassed about my baby-ish behaviour.

But seriously?  Hand foot mouth disease BITES THE BIG ONE.
It's painful.  It's itchy.  It's hot. It's cold. 
I sound like a man.

And the whole time I just keep thinking....
DAMN I wish I still had a best friend.  

Some of you know that I have recently shed a toxic friendship with a woman I was close with for a few years.  This is not the relationship I am missing.  I am actually rather relieved to be rid of the drama.   But seeing as how I don't feel like I can ask my mom to come over and help (she has Multiple Sclerosis and really and truly shouldn't be exposed to my feverish self for her own health's sake) I am really missing the assistance of a female. A girlfriend. D can be wonderful, but sometimes a girlfriend is just needed.
 And there is a girlfriend who wants to help.  A girlfriend who could help.  A girlfriend who has helped me before. 

Here's the problem.  D hates her.   See, he has known her a lot longer than I have.  And has known her through different phases in her life.   Phases she isn't proud of.  Phases I'm glad I wasn't around for.   She's still kind of a party girl, but that's part of what I love so much about her.  She's fun.  But she's more serious now than the girl that D remembers.  She's a mom now.   And though, I'll admit, she's still not the most responsible person I know, she's definitely a far cry from what D claims her to be. 

We used to be really close, before D and I moved in together.   I'm not proud to admit it, but I let my relationship with D come before my friendship with her.  In the last several months I have been trying to rectify that fact, and she is more than happy to have our friendship back - at least a little bit.  And I feel lucky that she's not holding a grudge.  But then again, I'm not sure if I"m being naive in thinking that she's just happy to be in contact again 'cuz she likes me - D seems to think it's because she wants to use me. 

We were supposed to see each other for the first time in almost 2 years this past Tuesday, but as I got sick I had to cancel.  She was totally understanding and since then has been texting me every day to ask if I need anything, or even just want company.  I told her I was contagious and didn't want her or her daughter to catch it from me - she said she'd wear a mask or just stay a short time to bring me stuff.  Doesn't sound like someone who wants to use me - but I don't know who to trust.  If you've read my tweets over the last few days you'll know that I really could use someone's help right now.  D is so busy with work, and so am I, that I haven't fully been able to rest and try to recover from the HFMD.

So I'm left with this dilemma.  My initial thoughts were that I would become friends with her, but as D didn't feel comfortable with her in our home, I would limit our friendship to coffee and outings away from my apartment.  But now that I've been sick, and she's being so kind, I'm so tempted to ask her to come over.  But I don't want D to be upset about the whole scenario.  And I don't want to use her. 

Has anyone been faced with something like this before?
I'm so torn.  I can't decide if I shed the friendship under false pretenses or whether I was correct in listening to D's words of advice.
And now I'm left wondering - am I revisiting this friendship because I'm lonely and want a girlfriend to hang out with?  Or do I really miss the girlfriend in question? And is she worth stirring up a conflict within my relationship with D?

I really know how to keep things complicated! Never a dull moment over here in the nutshell...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


No, I'm not talking about the Michael Moore flick.
I'm talking bout me.

Right after I pulled myself from out of the dark clutches of depression, WHAM

The flu.
Full blown, sweating buckets while shaking under a thick winter duvet, flu.
I haven't felt like this in at least a decade.
It's enough to make me want my Mommy (but had to suppress this urge, as cleaning my whole house to be white-glove-able is soooo not something I was gonna do!)

So my plans to get on track with blogging and twitter is derailed once more as my head hurts so bad that it feels like my eyeballs might give up on their sockets and just walk away.
And I won't even tell you what my tonsils want to do to my throat.  It's criminal.

And thus, I leave you after this brief, forced, and kinda whiny post....
I just felt like I needed to reconnect with y'all, even if just for a moment.
And let ya know I'm still alive! (in case you haven't been following my bitchy flu-induced rantings on Twitter!)

Till better days. <3

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Easing back in...

I've been climbing, slowly, cautiously, out of the black hole I fell into about a week ago.

Did y'all miss me?

I have missed you.  It's amazing how much perspective I gain through my one-sided conversations with you (via Twitter it's more two-sided, at least - helping me maintain the belief that I don't spend the MAJORITY of my time talking to my cats... only part of my time :P)

Still,  I'm not ready for a full expose of what's been up.
I can't yet explain my MIA status on Twitter and in the blogosphere.
I'm not sure what happened; what's happening; what will happen.
It's as if my mind is stuck in a partial fog, preventing me from opening up. 
Aside from the few rants I've had on Twitter I've been pretty quiet for the last little while. In real life, as well as cyberspace. 
Introspective, but cautious.
Diving too deep into my psyche has proven dangerous for me in the past.

I'm not sure what prompted this particular delve into the dark (other than perhaps the video of my fat ass that I watched post-hike... I thought I was over being depressed about my body since D seems to be a big fan either way, but apparently not... )

I really don't know.  I'm all confused.

But I know this -
I got some KICK ASS photos (other than my #beingabigfathugewhalesucks photos)
And now I shall share them with you.

Help me climb the rest of my way outta the hole!
I've been planning, plotting & scheming a doozie of a post for when I do finally have my wits back and about me - or at least 75% of 'em... So pad my ego and leave some love!


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