Holiday Happy's

The last post I wrote was all about finding my happy. This is one of my favourite times of year and it's the perfect time for me to ... Well... BE HAPPY!
And I'm finding small pleasures to take joy in every day, even on the grump-infested snark overloaded ones.
Today I wrapped my parents Chanukah gift (which I'm happy to say I think that they will really enjoy this year!


And the finished product....



And now that I'm done I'm feeling even more wonderfully festive so here are some shots from around our apartment (this is a spontaneous iPhone camera shoot, so pardon the sort of crappy photography!)



It's snowing!! And a shot of some of our lights...



A view of our ficus christmukah tree



Bears in a tree! One is D and the other's me! (teehee that rhymes!)



For my Aussie & Southern US readers - do you know what kind of pine tree this is? We've had Nora for 6 years... She looks beautiful as ever with her twinkle lights & glitter balls!



The headless desert nutcracker & his be-header ... And a Christmas cactus, 2010's addition to our cactus garden.



Headless desert Nutcracker's head!



The stuffed animal& candy cane ficus christmukah tree....



And again...



Our stockings, the leopard print one was Sessie's, now it's waiting for a pic of the dogs and cat boys... She willed it to them.



More of the big christmukah ficus.



Our wreath & icicle lights & stained glass door to balcony...



Christmukah cat!

And... That's all folks!!

- Posted on location from my iPhone
(doesn't that sound like so official & stuff? Like I'm a reporter... On location... Hehehe)

(oh yeah... Leave a comment!! Kthx& HAPPY HOLIDAYS!)

Finding my Happy

Yesterday  I was 'msn'ing' with an old friend. She knows D very well, in fact I know her through him & she also is beginning to know me very well as she has decided to embark on the adventure that one undertakes when becoming my follower on twitter.  She thus has pretty good insight on what's happening in my life, because I'm an open book & she knows the other chapter of my story quite well ;)

She said, very wisely, that my tweets have begun to indicate a fair amount of despair & depression. And that despite the fact that I frequently vent about relationship drama between me & my love, the darkness is most likely coming from the void that I feel OUTSIDE of my relationship.

It's true.  I try to stay positive, hopeful, optimistic, & happy & all that jazz but there's a monster lurking too close to the surface for my comfort.  And try as he might, D can not do anything about it.  This fact alone brings out a not -so-nice aspect of our relationship... him trying, me rejecting him & him then being cold & aggressive because... well, basically I'm being a bitch too.

As a veteran of therapy, both group & individual, I can tell the signs of depression.  I see that I'm in trouble.  I see that I need help.  I see that lack of luster in myself, my reluctance to get out of bed in the mornings is getting stronger... but I just am kinda of the mind set that I want to try & use my self-taught skills (and call on some of the skills that I've learned in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy - if you're interested in hearing more about this please leave a comment & I will blog about it next!) in conjunction with my newly found twitter support system rather than running back to therapy, or worse still, medication.

What my wise friend suggested was that I make a list. A list of things OUTSIDE my relationship that make me jump for joy. Things that tickle my thoughts.  Things that stimulate my senses. 
I have been happy before, I do experience happiness still & thus, there must be circumstances, things, people, situations, etc. that still make me happy.

So here,  blogles & tweeties, are (some of) my happys!

(I'm gonna be random, start with small things and maybe things that people will find strange... but it's all part of the process! I need to once more learn to take joy in the little pleasures of life!)

~ my cats (duh)
~ Ani Difranco (duh - I said I was starting with the easy things!)
~ composing & recording music.   (need to find a good software for this! SUGGESTIONS? I've used sequel 2, cakewalk & fruityloops, but never understood what I was doing.. need something user friendly! read:dummy-fied) 
~ guitar (need to become more consistent with playing so I don't have to go through the pain of re-developing calluses every single time! what a turn off!) 
~ photography & digitally editing photos
~ reading with tea & kush at Roach-a-rama in Kensington Market (requires me to leave the house & take the transit to go downtown... not that likely at the moment... but still a happy)
~ yoga (need to find some bum-knee friendly yoga - suggestions anyone??)
~ swimming (need to find a public pool nearby for swimming 3x/ week)
~ shopping for fruits & veggies & spices & nuts (productive to my diet too!)
~ shopping in general (though this can get dangerous!)
~ cooking & baking
~ knitting
~ PAINTING (really MISS this one!)
~ mani/pedi
~ bath & wine time (not sure I can swing this in my current apartment... our bathtub SUCKS)
~ journalling/blogging :)

And I think that's all for now! That's actually a pretty good list, if I don't say so myself (which I do!) All of the things on there are things that I enjoyed doing pre-D and kinda stopped doing due to various factors in my current situation... none of which are written in stone, and all of which I can change.
So now, the task at hand is to DO SOMETHING and actually make this list go to good use.  That's the hardest part of it all, 'cuz if you've followed my blog at all, you'll know I"m great at making lists & plans & not so great at the actual execution of things. But here's another shot...

To my Wise friend (one in specific but also, to all my wise friends who are reading!)  please remember, we need to kick each others asses into gear, for who else is in a better position to push you to succeed in finding your happy but your friends?  <3

Empty Womb on a Wordless Wednesday

I had a rough night last night.
An unexpected pregnancy announcement on facebook had me reeling in emotion from 2:39am onwards. Instead of wallowing in a self-pitying post though, I'll make use of Wordless Wednesday and share some images that had me pissing my pants laughing yesterday.

And a couple of them are pretty applicable to my current state of the Infertility Blues.

I think I'm gonna make an appointment today to have my Cunt examined......

And I'll prolly take my trusty friend with me..... 

A girl who's T.T.C. can never get enough of her Sperman after all!

But we have to make sure first that there isn't a...

And maybe after my appointment we'll go here for some lunch....

Or maybe here...

 I feel like having...

\I wonder if I'd be more fertile if I had a...

And I know while I'm at the doctor I should make sure I don't have any fresh STD's... 

I HAVE to get one of these for my kids (if & when I have them that is!!)

And if I never do have any kids then the rest of my life will be a....

And I'll blow you all to hell with my....

And... JUST CUZ THEY ARE HILARIOUS...

um.... WHAAAAAT???!?!

 *phew* it's a good thing that I saw that last sign, 'cuz I really feel like dying right now... 

But since it's strictly forbidden I guess I'll continue on with my day. 

Hope I made ya piss your pants ....er.... giggle :p

My Walmart Skin Care Secret Combo

I used to have terrible skin.

So bad that my mom sought out medical assistance & my doctor prescribed 'Acutane'.  At 11 years old.  Needless to say that did a number on my just-reaching-puberty body (the pill capsules had a picture of a pregnant woman with an 'X' through her to demonstrate that getting pregnant while on this drug was ill advised due to the likelihood of birth defect.  But they thought nothing of putting a developing young woman on it.... hmmmm... *head scratching* ..........................................................But I digress...  this is not meant to be a post about the ill effects of over-medicating youth {ahem, I deal with endometriosis and fibromyalgia  now, as an adult...}

What this post IS about is the combo of products that I've been religiously (till recently) using in the last 5-6 or so years, and it has been working wonders.  Such wonders in fact that recently, when I've been cutting certain expenses out, I've realized (with the dawn of a fresh face full of little red pimples & blemishes) I NEED my skin care regiment.

People used  to ask me what I use. People used to comment (with compliments!!) on my skin, not too long ago, and really, the stuff I use is not expensive at all.  

So here they are, the products that I combine (all from Wal-Mart, or Shoppers Drugmart) to create the nice, smooth & radiant skin that I am now proud to say is mine.

 Sometimes I mix the Garnier moisturizer/sunscreen with

Rimmel foundation to create a dewey'er more transparent & light foundation.  

I follow up (if I'm dressing up) with some powder bronzer just as cheekbone highlights & some subtle eye makeup & lipgloss.   I'm all about the light & natural look!

Do you have any favourite skin secrets that I can share with my readers? Please share!
Do you like these types of product-evaluation posts from me or should I stick with the emotional & inspirational stuff? Talk to me! :)

*I was not paid to write this blog, nor am I an employee of any of the products or stores that I mention*

More bang for my buck!

I need a whole new wardrobe. One that actually fits so I don't have to feel like a stuffed sausage all winter this year.  I did that last year & ME. NO. LIKEY.
BUT I do not have money for a whole new wardrobe.
Or at least not one from a regular source, like Addition Elle, H&M or Voluptous or Old Navy. And I'm tired of having shapeless formless sweatpant type things from Walmart as my 'entire' wardrobe.
I want some decent stuff.
But even when I do come into some extra cash, I'm trying to be 'thrifty'.   We are, after all, trying to save for a trip this winter & hopefully some baby-making assistance in the near future.

So I thought & I thought...

And I donated a tupperware bin full of designer clothes that are too small to my local Value Village
and then... BING! An epiphany!

If I'M donating all this primo stuff that I barely wore (because I sadly outgrew it once I became a happy, cozy & comfortable house wife type:read, I now wear sweats 75%... 85%.... ok ok ... 95% of the time) then there MUST be OTHER women (who are perhaps at the OTHER end of the process that I am just now beginning, of losing weight & shedding the shlumps that sometimes come with a finally-forever-comfortable-relationship) who are also donating their stuff....

AND BEHOLD! THERE WERE!

*bonus to shopping at Value Village? Recycling clothes is good for the earth AND your wallet!*  So, I only spent $72.29 and this is what I got:

 H & M T-shirt dress to wear with leggings - pant style of choice for me to accommodate my tensor bandaged knee - was so unflattering 'cuz 'till now I only had one longer top to wear with them...

 Green fleecy high-necked sweatshirt...

me likey, for those comfy loungy days, so I don't have to look so shlumpy....

 Danskin sweats -  great sturdy material, for those same comfy/shlumpy days...

 Dark Rinse 'curvy cut' jeans, to make space for the bootay ;)

 I LOOOVE this wooly grey sweater - 

the lines are so perfect for my figure, accentuating my smallest part - my waist!

 Old Navy long sleeved waffle tee - can never have too many of these. 

And this one is in my fave colour! It matches the inner rim of my glasses!

 A Big Long comfy sweater - again, to go with my leggings & Uggs..

.Maybe a big braided leather belt...

 Another one... this one is actually a really great teal colour... the picture didn't really show it that well. I plan to wear this one  with a slinky long sleeved tee under (the cable knit part is kinda peek-a-boo, and it's got short sleeves), and with black leggings and my black slouchy boots or uggs.

And, of course my two helpers, Blue & Topper...

making sure that I make the right choices to keep the fashion police away! 

And for my next blog post? Look forward to pics of all the fur babies -

in their matching Halloween getups! :) 

But for now...  what do you think of my shopping spree at Value Village?